The women in my writing class gather in a circle, their eyes holding the promise of secrets to be revealed, faces composed in reflection about their lives and the stories they have been sharing. We have been discussing the idea that many powerful and important stories are built from good memories, and that they are not required to write dark stories in order to heal. They seem surprised. I remind them about the research showing that positive, lighter stories were found to be as healing as the darker, painful stories.

As memoirists, we find ourselves grappling with both the light and the dark stories. Sometimes the dark stories and memories make us feel everything is hopeless, and perhaps we feel that we should quit writing. For healing, it is important to put these feelings in perspective by writing them down and giving them voice. Once the dark stories are made real on the page, it is easier to integrate them and render them less threatening emotionally. However we need to take care of ourselves and confront the dark stories when we are ready and feel safe and prepared to confront them.

What to do when the dark stories are too much

If dark stories are overwhelming, switch to a lighter, happier story. No one is going to fault you for not finishing a story you don't want to complete, or changing the direction of your writing. No English teacher is waiting to give you a bad grade for trying a more positive and easier-to-write story. I believe we write the story that we are able to write at any given time. We need to take care of ourselves so we can keep writing, and not drown in the darkness or pain of a story we are not ready for. There will be another time, perhaps when we feel stronger or have written other stories that support us and show the light in our lives, to attend to a painful story or memory that still calls out to be released.

Vignettes, poetry and small stories are transformational

The most important part of writing to heal and for transformation is to do the writing, even small snippets, even a few lines.

All writing is wonderful for us to produce. We feel so relieved to have written anything! My students present poems, journal entries, and early draft stories as well as stories they've had time to develop. Some write their story in a fictional form, as it helps them to have the "fictional wall" to protect them from family censure or feeling too exposed.

Even fictionalized stories help to heal

All writing is healing. Studies that were done later after Pennebaker’s original "traumatic writing" studies asked volunteers to write about another person's trauma, a made-up story about someone else. These fictionalized stories were found to be healing as well.

And studies showed that self-expression through writing was even more helpful in healing trauma than other forms of art, including dance and painting. Perhaps the particular memory being expressed needed the integrative power of words to put it to rest, or people in the study responded to using words more than others. Words offer particularity and specificity. It is hard to hide with words.

Writing to Heal Tips

I suggest to my students to think of weaving dark and light stories in the memoir. Only write the stories you feel ready to write. Take care of your vulnerability and sense of safety.

Darker topics:

• Pain
• Rejection
• Loss
• Despair
• Vulnerability
• Depression
• Fear
• Jealousy
• Longing
• Death

The path of self-growth is a path of self-development and transcendence. When you are willing to explore the dark stories,, select one of the dark qualities in the list above or write about a topic of your own choice.
Freewrite for 15 – 20 minutes. Let your pen fly along the page without censoring.
Notice your bodily reactions to the writing—do you become more tense or start to relax?
Do you feel like saying more? Do you think of other stories to write?
Does the critic pop up in your head to bother you?

Qualities of light:

• Peace
• Love
• Vulnerability
• Trust
• Joy
• Awe
• Generosity
• Selflessness
• Serenity
• Courage

Freewrite about one of these qualities for 15-20 minutes.
What happens to your body? Notice your muscles, your thoughts, your breathing.
Can you write one of the dark qualities into one of the light qualities?

If you can, write a story where the beginning is darkness and the end is light.

...I would have ended my life. The only thing that held me back was my art. Indeed it seemed impossible to leave this world before I had produced all the works that I felt the urge to compose...
Beethoven, 1802